What is anger?
Anger is an emotion. It is a signal that we think we are being treated unfairly.
Feelings are neither right nor wrong. It is okay to feel angry.
Actions can be right or wrong. It is not okay to hurt ourselves, others, or property when we feel angry.
So how can we deal with anger and act in healthy ways?
1) Recognize anger - know when you are angry and what makes you angry.
2) Practice positive responses - practice, practice, practice until your new positive responses become good habits
Quick List of Ways to Cope with Anger
Walk away
Exercise
Talk to someone who you are not feeling angry with
Distract yourself
Count 10 breaths
Write about it
Come back and deal with it later when you feel calm
Symptoms of Anger
How do you know when you are angry? All of us have symptoms of anger – physical and mental signs that tell us we are angry.
Physical Signs
Fast heart beat
Sweating
Shaking
Clenched jaws
Clenched fists
Fast breathing
Headaches
Stomach aches
Upset feeling in the stomach
Tight chest
Tense muscles
Frowning, scowling
Red face
Mental Signs
Problems concentrating
Confusion
Memory problems
Thoughts of doing harm
Angry thoughts
Irritability
Short tempered
Other signs
Yelling
Swearing
Withdrawing from others
Throwing things
Pacing
Anger Management Worksheets: Questions About Your Anger
1. How do you know when you are angry?
2. Where in your body do you feel anger? List your physical signs of being angry.
3. What is the first sign of anger you notice? List your early warning signs that tell you when you are starting to become angry.
4. What makes you angry? List all the things you can think of... all the way from small annoyances to big problems.
Anger Management Worksheets: How You Handle Anger
1. How do you usually react when you feel angry?
2. Think about the last time you reacted in an unhealthy or negative way to anger. What happened right before you got angry?
3. How did you react?
4. How did you feel after you reacted?
5. What could you have done instead?
6. What would happen if you were to react in a more positive way?
Anger Management Worksheets: A Plan for Dealing With Anger
1. Make a plan. Write down one of the situations from your anger scale (see anger management worksheets PDF document). Choose one that causes you to feel a little angry. Describe how you would like to react in the future to this situation.
2. Choose a situation near the top of your anger scale (see anger management worksheets PDF document). Describe how you would like to react to a situation like this.
3. What negative behavior do you most want to avoid when you experience anger?
4. What will you do instead?
5. What will you do when you experience your early warning signs of anger?
6. How will you handle situations when you feel very angry?
Practice positive reactions to everyday stresses
Walk away instead of reacting in anger. It’s okay to stomp your feet if you need to!
Exercise. This helps get rid of the physical energy that is built up by anger.
Talk to someone who you are not feeling angry with. Phone a friend, relative, or professional. Tell them about what happened and how you are feeling.
Distract yourself. Do something you enjoy, like reading, TV, music, games, going to the store, cooking a meal.... and take your mind off the anger. Come back and deal with it when you are feeling calmer.
Count 10 breaths. The reasons for counting your breaths are: 1) to calm and relax you by breathing more deeply and 2) to pause for a few moments instead of reacting automatically.
Write about it. Get your feelings and thoughts out on paper instead of confronting the source of your anger right away.
Deal with it when you feel calm. Get away from the situation, and come back later. You will react more positively.
The more practice you get at reacting in positive ways, waiting until the anger goes down a little before responding, and learning new habits, the more easily you will be able to manage anger.
Try this Relaxation to Deal with Anger script - a guided meditation script that describes how to deal with anger quickly and effectively in the moment, and guides you in controlling anger and managing anger when it arises.
AngerManagementResource.com provides more extensive anger management worksheets as well as counseling, CDs and books for you and your family.
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